I am not sure whether I miss you or the idea of you. I am sad. I cannot concentrate in class. I am stuck in the same university where me and you had many memories, and I see them everywhere. I know what you all are thinking… “DAMMIT Jess, pick yourself up!! Stop sulking its been 8 months!!” I know but I am hurting every time I think about how much he did not love me it hurts, it burns.
I have my good days- I mean moments when I seem to be okay not content but I don’t feel sadness just emptiness. What if I never get over it? At the beginning of the break up I just wanted another boy someone to use to forget about this boy but now.. The only thing I want is to forget about him, about what we had. But forgetting him means being completely alone. I will wake up alone without anything to ponder over and I am scared of that.
I am also jealous he got into a much better university in his hometown he will be surrounded by family and friends to never feel alone but that won’t be the case for me. That breaks me. He broke me. Prior to him I was willing to go out of state discover things but now I just want to be surrounded my friends and family because I am so lonely.
My friends tell me to get over it. I cannot change the past. Maybe thats what killing me. When I look into the past I see all of the mistakes I made. I see him walking away after telling me he didn’t love me anymore. Why did he walk away so easily???
THAT KILLS ME.