This was my first week back to college, I feel like I must let you know that I am writing this as I lay in bed, tired, lonely and drained. I thought things would be different. What I mean is that last year u had a boyfriend whom I spend so much time on campus and off that I got used to having him around we broke up but the memories are there. Where? Everywhere in the library of the university where I once saw him after the break up and he quickly scattered. Maybe he was too weak to face me… No to selfish. Well this week has been hard for me. It’s barely Thursday and I already consider this week hard. I miss him or no I miss what we had.. I even broke down while driving because I just could not bare the fact that I am completely and utterly alone. I no longer try to look decent. I’ve given up. On guys. On myself. I’m in this kind of funk that seems to be endless.
This is not how it was supposed to be. I promised myself that during school I was gonna get involved. Make the best of it. Who cares if a boy broke my heart? MOVE ON. But we all know things are better said than done. So here I am at 12 am on a school night still writing about this boy. I know he doesn’t deserve my attention, especially considering what he did and the amount of time that has passed since the break up. But I think this unhappiness stems from the fact that I am stuck here with no friends (didn’t bother making any last year since I thought I would always have my lovely boyfriend by my side.) at a university that I quite frankly don’t like. This isn’t where I wanted to be. I came here for him. But this is where I am and I must make the most of it. Hopefully successfully transfer next year. WHO KNOWS.
I don’t know life is hard. My brain tortures. And I am just trying to make it.
You know what else? Well I’ll tell yall later..