I feel empty…

7ccf3a87db68ef2ffe83a7bd4753f24eThere are good days and then there are bad days for me. Today was a bad day, the whole day I could not stop thinking about a certain boy. He was there in the back of my mind at all times. Even when I was with friends, living it up and having fun.

Sometimes I like to think that there is nothing wrong with not forgetting an ex but when it is to the level in which I am in, it seems insane. I have thought about this boy for 7 months straight, since the split.

He is always there, I play scenarios in my head and I replay moments that we shared together. He was my first love and I am afraid he will be my last.. I don’t believe in love anymore. Once a hardcore believer of love, and now I am skeptical of it.

You don’t understand it is easy to say I will move on but then it happens your heart breaks and the days feel like they are frozen. You make no progress in the process of Moving On. God, I believed in him. In love. Now I am afraid of it. I am afraid that anyone who comes close to me will betray me and leave.

I am also annoyed. Annoyed with myself at the fact that I am not even mad  at him anymore I am just numb.. I am a box full of memories that go on&on and I wish I could stop them.

I will be going back to school on Tuesday, back to the campus where I spent many good times with him and although I have said that I can do it. Today I broke down in the shower because I will go back to this place without him. I will have to have lunch in the same place in which we did and the difference now is I’m alone. He doesn’t get to go through this torturous event as he transferred schools, but I have to endure it and I don’t know how I will…..

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